who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
