I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
It's blow job season.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
