he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
