I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
okay pat passed out under dana's car
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
