Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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