The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I think I am morally bankrupt
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize