so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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