I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
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