So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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