I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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