her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
