I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
