you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
