I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
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