The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Randomize
