It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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