If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Randomize
