every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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