Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
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