I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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