It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
