i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
