Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize