she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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