So drunk its hurt
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
