Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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