Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
