if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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