I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
