At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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