you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
