she looked like the before picture.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
