so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
