we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
50% drunk capacity currently
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
