I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Randomize
