I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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