even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
