She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
