so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
