apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
