Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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