yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
