you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
