Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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