He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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