i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
