hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
