My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
