She is in my trunk
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
