I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
50% drunk capacity currently
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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