Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize