Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Randomize
