Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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