he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
