I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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