im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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