so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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