Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
