Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
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