so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
