dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
