Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
