i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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